Signs You Might Be An Overthinker — And What To Do About It

May 7

Raise your hand if your anxiety seems to have more control over your thoughts than you’d like.

If we were all in a room together right now, I’m pretty sure it’d look like a Taylor Swift concert with all the hands in the air. That’s because overthinking and anxiety are besties (not the fun kind that plan vacations together, but the kind that keep you up at 2am spiraling about that one thing you said in a meeting three weeks ago).

So, what is overthinking, exactly?

Overthinking is when your brain kicks into hyperdrive trying to analyze, predict, prevent, or fix a problem, usually one that hasn’t even happened yet (or already happened and can’t be changed). In therapy, I call this “time-traveling”; you become fixated on either a scary future scenario or a painful past scenario without being able to access what is true and real here and now, in the present.

Overthinking is a common response to stress, anxiety, perfectionism, or fear of failure. While it feels like it might help you solve a problem or feel more in control, it usually just makes you more anxious, overwhelmed, and stuck in your own head. After all, once introspection becomes rumination, it’s no longer helpful.

In fact, research shows that chronic overthinking increases your risk of mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, and insomnia. And yet so many of us keep doing it, not because we want to suffer, but because our brains are trying to protect us in the only way they know how: by running through every possible scenario like a very stressed-out movie director.

Here are some signs you might be an overthinker:

You feel worried or anxious most of the time
You crave control or constant reassurance about a potential outcome
You ruminate on things you've said or done in the past
You get stuck in worst-case scenarios or endless "what ifs"
You take things personally or assume people are upset with you
You struggle to make decisions or second-guess them immediately after
You experience physical symptoms like muscle tension, headaches, or gut issues

Contrary to how it may feel, your brain is not trying to ruin your life. It’s simply trying to protect you (with a flair for the dramatic).

When your nervous system perceives a threat — emotional, social, physical — it kicks into problem-solving mode. It’s like your brain is shouting: “Danger! Fix it now!” But instead of actually fixing anything, you just end up in an exhausting loop of analysis paralysis and self-doubt.

Overthinking often stems from:

Perfectionism — the need to make the “right” choice or avoid making mistakes
People-pleasing — a deep fear of disappointing or upsetting others
Past trauma — especially if you've had to constantly scan for danger or make yourself small to stay safe
Anxiety disorders — having difficulty regulating your anxiety responses

In all of these cases, overthinking becomes a misguided attempt to prevent pain, whether that’s embarrassment, rejection, failure, or emotional discomfort. The problem is, it rarely actually works. We end up trying to think our way out of feelings, and spoiler alert: that never works long-term.

Okay, Laura, so how do I stop overthinking?

While you’re not going to be able to flip a switch and suddenly become a zen master who never spirals, you can learn to interrupt the cycle, build awareness, and practice new responses when those thoughts show up.

Here are 4 practical ways to stop overthinking when your brain just won’t quit:

1. Set realistic expectations.

Many folks set high (and often unrealistic) expectations for themselves without actually knowing what they’re reaching for. This is problematic because you're judging yourself based on something that isn't even clearly defined, and perhaps not even possible. This pattern becomes fuel for overthinking.

Be mindful of making sure you're not falling for unrealistic expectations of yourself, then overthinking about why you weren't able to “measure up.” Be gentle, but be honest. Often, the pressure we’re under is self-imposed and once we name it, we can start to soften it.

2. Challenge unhelpful thoughts.

Most of the time, thoughts are automatic. Because of this, it’s common for folks to simply assume their thoughts are true, but it’s important to challenge the validity of your negative thoughts so you gain a more realistic, and ultimately more helpful, perspective.

I often encourage my clients to explore reframes that are more balanced (aka not all-or-nothing, because the human experience doesn’t fit into boxes), realistic (just because you FEEL bad, doesn’t mean you ARE bad), and helpful (telling myself I “should” be XYZ or else I’m a failure doesn’t actually tell me how to get to XYZ).

Example: Instead of “I messed up that meeting and now everyone thinks I’m incompetent,” try “I didn’t say everything perfectly, but I showed up prepared and can clarify anything that was unclear.”

When you’re stuck in a loop of negative thinking or anxious spirals, take a pause and check the facts. Ask yourself:

“Is this thought 100% true, or just a feeling?”
“What’s a more balanced way of looking at this?”
“What factual evidence is there that this thought is true? What about not true?”
“What would I say to a friend if they were thinking this?”

3. Honor your emotions, but don't get stuck in them.

Overthinking is often a sign that an emotion wants your attention, whether it’s fear, shame, sadness, or vulnerability. So rather than trying to out-think the feeling, try feeling the feeling (annoying, I know, but it works).

Acknowledge and sit with your feelings when they come up. It can be helpful to pair this with some kind of mindfulness practice, like deep belly breathing, a sensory grounding skill, or exercise. Other folks might prefer journaling or talking with a loved one. Once you've had a moment to process whatever feelings come up with your overthinking, transition into something else that requires full focus of your brain. This practice can help your nervous system feel safe enough to release the thought spiral.

4. Give yourself space to respond rather than react.

Because our thoughts are often automatic, our emotional reactions usually are, too. Your immediate reaction can feel impulsive or like you have no control over it. If you can, try to give yourself some space — whether that's 5 seconds of breathing, 10 seconds of pacing, or 5 minutes in the bathroom to splash cool water on your face — before letting the reaction take over. Even a tiny pause can make a difference.

Try one of these tactics the next time you're spiraling:

Take 5 deep breaths before replying to a triggering text.
Walk around the block before making a big decision.
Excuse yourself for 5 minutes and splash cold water on your face.

When you have space, you can think about how you choose to interpret a situation, and, most importantly, how you might choose to respond. The goal is to look at your thoughts and feelings, not from them. This gives your brain time to switch from “threat mode” to “thinking mode.” Plus, when you respond with intention instead of reacting from fear, you’re more likely to feel proud of how you handled it and less likely to overthink it later.

Overthinking won’t disappear overnight — but it can get quieter.

If you recognize yourself in this post, know that there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not broken, you’re just in the habit of overanalyzing to stay safe. And habits can be unlearned.

Your challenge today? Pick one of the strategies above and try it out the next time you feel stuck in your thoughts. It won’t be perfect, but it doesn’t need to be. Even small shifts can help you feel more present, more grounded, and more in control.