4 Things To Let Go of To Decrease Perfectionism and Improve Mental Health

May 21

The #1 reason why clients come to therapy (based solely on my anecdotal experience) is that they feel stuck.

While there are a lot of factors that can make someone feel stuck, powerless, or helpless, the biggest culprit is often perfectionism.

I get it. As a recovering perfectionist myself, I know how easy it can be to fall into the belief that you’re somehow failing. That you’re not doing enough, being enough, or living up to some invisible, impossible standard.

However, that narrative is not just unhelpful, it’s also almost always untrue.

Perfectionism thrives on cognitive distortions: black-and-white thinking, catastrophizing, and mind-reading are especially powerful tools in perpetuating its cycle. It wants you to believe that if something isn’t perfect, it’s pointless, and terrible things will happen, and everyone will judge you. But again, these are lies.

Life happens in the gray area between black-and-white thinking. Life happens when we let go of needing to control and outcome and simply experience the in-between. Life happens when we focus on our own actions rather than trying to interpret the thoughts of others.

Growth, healing, connection, joy… all of this happens outside of perfect.

The best way forward, away from perfectionism, is to let go. If you want to feel more grounded, confident, and aligned with your values…

Here are 4 things to let go of for better mental health:

1. Comparing yourself to others

As they say, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Yes, it’s cliché. But it’s also true, lol. When you compare your life, your career, your body, your mental health journey, or literally anything else to someone else’s, you’re basically comparing apples to oranges. You might both be fruit, but you didn’t grow in the same soil, under the same conditions, with the same resources.

Comparison doesn't tell you anything meaningful about your own growth. It just feeds your inner critic.

Instead, when you notice yourself spiraling into comparison, pause and ask yourself: “What do I need right now that I think they have?” It’s usually not actually about the other person, but rather a longing for connection, confidence, or clarity.

2. Expecting perfection immediately

Many folks have this subconscious belief that they should just be good at things from the start. (Blame childhood gifted programs, hustle culture, or just the highlight reels we see online — take your pick.) But in reality, being a beginner is part of literally everything we do as humans.

Expecting yourself to nail something immediately is a setup for disappointment and shame. It’s like expecting to run a marathon without training for it. When you inevitably struggle with this impossible ask, your inner perfectionist interprets that as failure instead of the normal process of learning.

To break the cycle, try reframing your expectations. Instead of “I have to do this perfectly,” shift to “I’m allowed to be a beginner” or “I’m learning, and that’s enough right now.” Acknowledge small milestones that illustrate your progress rather than only looking at the end result.

3. Avoidance

If you’ve ever thought, “Maybe I’ll just put this off until I feel more confident,” you are definitely not alone. Avoidance is one of perfectionism’s favorite coping strategies. When your brain tells you you’ll fail anyway, why bother trying? But we know how this cycle goes: you want to try something, you create a story in your head about it, you become anxious, and you avoid doing it. It looks a little like this:

Situation → create story → feel anxious → avoid → temporary relief → more anxiety → repeat

We’ve all been there. Avoidance is like a boomerang, though, and the anxiety always comes back, usually when you least expect it or want it. Unfortunately, the only way forward is through.

With the help of a grounding skill or self-soothing technique, challenge yourself to do the hard thing and see how it feels. Think deep breaths, a cold splash of water, a quick body scan, or a mantra like “I can do hard things, and I don’t need to be perfect at them.”

4. Talking sh*t about yourself

This is an important piece that puts it all together. These tools won’t work if you’re constantly beating yourself up. Negative self-talk reinforces perfectionism, fuels shame, and keeps you stuck. It makes it really hard to try new things, take risks, or rest because everything starts to feel like a test you can’t afford to fail.

Try practicing self-compassion instead. This doesn’t mean you let yourself off the hook for everything. It means you recognize that being a human is hard sometimes, and you offer yourself grace instead of punishment. We all have different starting places, stuck points, things that get in the way. It’s okay to acknowledge those things, accept where you’re at, and still push forward for the change you want to see.

Here’s a simple starting place: when you catch yourself being self-critical, try talking to yourself like you would a close friend. Would you say that to them? If not, you don’t need to say it to yourself.

Why is letting go so hard?

I want to acknowledge that letting go is not easy. These habits often come from years of conditioning, trauma, or old survival strategies. You might have learned that being perfect, quiet, productive, or agreeable kept you safe or earned you praise. It makes sense that these patterns stuck around.

But what once protected you might now be holding you back.

Letting go gives you space to grow, to rest, to be messy and real and fully yourself. Space to experience life in ways that feel balanced and sustainable, not just performative.

So, if any of these patterns resonated with you, here’s your invitation: pick one to work on letting go of this week. Just one. Letting go is a practice, not a switch you flip.

Ask yourself:

Which of these habits is keeping me stuck right now?
What might open up for me if I released it?
What’s one small step I could take today?
You don’t have to do it perfectly (seriously). You just have to start.

Prioritizing your mental health isn’t about doing everything right. It’s about building awareness, being kind to yourself, and making choices that support your growth and values, even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.