Ask a Therapist: How Can I Cope With Feelings of Loneliness and Isolation?

Feb 3

If this isn’t the most relatable thing since 2020, I don’t know what is.

Although the pandemic obviously didn’t introduce us to the concept of loneliness — I would argue that the complexities of adulthood did that just fine all on its own — it certainly heightened this experience for many people.

Loneliness is a universal experience, and even in a world that seems more connected than ever, many of us grapple with feelings of isolation. Whether it’s due to changing life circumstances, relationship issues, or feeling like a burden to others (even though you’re probably not), loneliness is obviously a difficult feeling to deal with.

But here's the (ironic) thing – you're not alone in feeling alone. Most folks have experienced this feeling! The question isn’t “why am I like this?!” but rather, “how can I cope with it?”

1. Practice mindfulness and self-compassion.

One of the easiest things to do when you feel alone is to start shit-talking yourself. Therefore, the first thing you have to do to combat those feelings is to stop being mean to yourself. This is called self-compassion.

Instead of criticizing yourself for being alone, or blaming yourself for it, try honoring your emotional experience without judgment. If that feels difficult, imagine what you might say to a loved one if they were in your shoes, then try to turn that empathy onto yourself. In moments of loneliness, rather than beating yourself up for feeling lonely, you can recognize that loneliness is a natural part of the human experience and allow yourself to become your own comforting presence. It may not always be possible to change the situation or make the feelings fully go away, but the important part is that you're making space for your feelings and actively trying not to get lost in them.⁣

Mindfulness helps with this. Mindful breathing, body scan meditations, or intentional movement allows you to observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment. With this awareness, it becomes easier to recognize that loneliness is a universal human experience and not something that has to define you or your worth. Mindfulness allows you to engage with the present moment in a compassionate way and can help you feel more grounded — even when you’re dealing with difficult feelings. In these moments, try mindfulness practices like guided imagery, deep breathing, or simply taking a moment to pause and check in with yourself.

2. Explore your mindset about being alone.

Sometimes, the way we think about loneliness can make it feel even more overwhelming. Just adjusting your perspective about loneliness, or being alone, can help you recenter. What are the stories you tell yourself about loneliness? Maybe you believe that being alone means you're unlovable (false) or that reaching out for help is a sign of weakness (also false). Here are some other examples of unhelpful and inaccurate narratives:

Being alone means I’m unlovable
Nobody cares about me and that’s why I’m alone
I’m too much of a burden, it’s better to just be alone
I don’t deserve connection

Obviously, thoughts like this are going to make you feel terrible.

Instead, try to challenge these beliefs and remind yourself that just because this is how you feel right now, that doesn’t mean it’s true or that it says anything about you (your brain lies to you a lot, actually). Instead of viewing this as a personal failure or flaw, try to see it as a natural part of the human condition, as a temporary state rather than a permanent identity.

Exploring your mindset about loneliness isn't about denying your feelings or pretending everything is fine; it's about acknowledging your experiences with curiosity and compassion, and ultimately, finding the resilience to navigate through loneliness with greater understanding and self-awareness.

3. Nurture the connections you do have.

Nothing is worse than when you’re craving social interaction and everyone is busy. That brand of loneliness can make you feel so powerless. But perhaps there are other ways to channel that energy and nurture your connections. Perhaps that’s sending a kind text to one of your friends, calling your mom just to say I love you, or reaching out to make plans with someone for another time (also gives you something to look forward to!). Sharing a laugh, recounting old memories, or even just venting about your day can help ease the weight of loneliness and bring a sense of connection and belonging. This is a chance to think outside the box and ask yourself how you can contribute to your existing connections even in moments of loneliness.

One caveat I want to give here: sometimes, isolating can be a symptom of depression, anxiety, or trauma. In those cases, it’s especially important to nurture your existing connections, because your dysregulation might be trying to convince you that you’re a burden or that others don’t care about you. This is not true. Your loved ones aren’t mind readers and can’t always predict when you need them the most. Relationships are a two-way street and sometimes we need to take the lead on reaching out to others. I really encourage you to challenge yourself, fight that instinct to hide, and reach out to your connections when you need them.

4. Make time to get out of the house.

Getting out of the house might seem like a small thing, but it can make a world of difference when you're feeling lonely. When you're cooped up indoors for too long, it's easy to get caught up in your own thoughts and feelings — and that’s a one-way ticket to spiraling. Stepping outside, even just for a short walk around the block or to grab a coffee, can break that cycle of isolation. You might bump into a neighbor, strike up a conversation with a friendly stranger, or simply soak in the sights and sounds of the world around you. These little interactions can provide a much-needed sense of connection and remind you that you're not alone in the world.

Getting out of the house also opens up opportunities for new experiences and adventures. Whether you're exploring a nearby park, checking out a local museum, or trying out a new restaurant, each outing presents a chance to engage with the world in a fulfilling way. Sometimes, the simple act of being in a different environment can shift your perspective and lift your spirits. Plus, by actively seeking out activities and social settings outside of your home, you're creating opportunities to meet new people and forge meaningful connections. So, if you're feeling lonely, resist the urge to isolate and try stepping outside to the world beyond your doorstep.

5. Engage in meaningful hobbies or activities.

Sometimes, the negative association with loneliness has something to do with not knowing how to spend quality time with yourself. Even if that’s not the case, there are so many benefits to spending time on recreational activities. When you're absorbed in something you love, whether it's painting, playing an instrument, gardening, or even just reading a good book, you're giving your mind something positive to focus on. Hobbies can provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment that can help combat feelings of isolation because you’re gaining something meaningful from the experience. They also give you something to look forward to and can be a great way to escape from the everyday stresses of life.

Another cool thing about finding new hobbies is that they often come with built-in communities. When you join a local club, attend meetups, or participate in online forums, you might find others who share your interests and passions. Connecting with like-minded individuals — even if they don’t become your new besties — can be incredibly rewarding and can help alleviate feelings of loneliness. Plus, sharing your hobbies with others opens up opportunities for collaboration, learning, and growth.

Loneliness is a complex and deeply personal experience, but it’s also a universal — and temporary — one. By focusing on what you can control and taking tangible steps toward facilitating connection (with others and with yourself), you can ride the waves of loneliness and cultivate a richer, more connected life.